The Haters Are Going to Hate, Here's What I Do About It.

As I’ve grown in the industry I’ve seen so much toxicity. I have seen people's business actually take a hit from gossip and drama. I’ve watched talented artists self-destruct from engaging in ‘mean girl’ behavior. 

But here is what I have also watched: the people whose businesses took a hit were already on shaky ground. The drama was the match, not the fuel. If your foundation is solid, the haters have nowhere to land. As the saying goes, ‘I'm rubber, you're glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.’

The noise is always going to be there.

I posted a video a while back that hit 2.8 million views. That video still gets shared every single day and I know why. Because a lot of us are carrying this, the comments, the people who cheer publicly and chip away privately. The ones who have never sat in your chair but have plenty to say about how you run your business.

Sometimes the hardest part of putting yourself out there isn’t the possibility of failure, it’s realizing that not everyone in your own community will be happy when you succeed. When you’re willing to share the good AND the bad, somehow your growth can still make you the villain in someone else’s story.

The noise is not going away. The goal is to stop letting it take up real estate in your head.

My fix? I stopped trying to fix my reputation with people who had already decided what it was. The instinct is to correct the record. To explain yourself, to make sure the truth gets out there. I have done all of that, and here is what I learned every single time: the people who are looking for a reason to doubt you will find one no matter what you do or what you say.

You cannot argue someone into believing in you. You can only keep building something so undeniable that the noise just doesn’t matter.

Here is what that looks like in practice: you do your best work. You show up for the clients in front of you and you create content that is genuinely useful. You invest in your education and you get to work building the thing. Be too busy to care because the people worth impressing are watching too. 

When it starts to feel personal.

I want to talk about the version of this that is harder than the general silly noise. I’ve had a few experiences where someone I’ve truly trusted is part of narratives that put me and my character in a negative light. The conversations happened in a community I’d invested in. The people involved were not strangers.

That experience is hard, every time. And it is okay to say that behavior like this hurts. It’s human. 

What I have had to learn is that my response in those moments is the thing I can actually control. Not what gets said, who says it, or what other people believe. Just my response.

Gray rocking is a skill worth learning. The idea is simple: when someone is trying to pull you into drama, you become as uninteresting as possible. You do not react. You do not engage. You give them nothing to work with. People who thrive on this kind of energy need fuel. When you stop providing it, they move on.

I’ve learned to gray rock conversations and people I know will pull me into things I don’t want to be part of or bring out a version of myself I’ve worked hard to outgrow. Protecting my peace sometimes looks like saying less, knowing less, and refusing to engage.

The reframe that helped me.

When someone is threatened by your growth, that is information. It means your growth is real, you are moving in a direction they wish they were moving. 

I do not say that to dismiss how much it hurts. It hurts. I know that. But the energy that used to go into managing what people thought about me now goes into my business, my education, my content, and my clients.

That gap between where I’ve been and where I am going keeps getting wider every time I make that choice.

And while I’ve been busy saying less, I’ve been putting that energy somewhere far more productive; expanding my salon, growing my education, stepping onto bigger stages, and pushing myself further into public speaking. I’ve spent enough time explaining myself.

One more thing.

Your reputation is built in the quality of your work, in how you make people feel when they leave your presence and in the way you show up consistently. The truth is, no one can change your reputation without your consent and that is worth protecting.

Be known for your talent. Be remembered for your character.

If you are ready to build a business that speaks for itself, that starts with knowing your numbers, communicating like a pro, and building a brand voice that reflects who you actually are. That is exactly what we work on inside my 1:1 coaching program for independent beauty professionals.

Book a free discovery call here. It might be the conversation that changes everything.

Erin Ray is a hairstylist, color educator, and salon business coach. She helps stylists and salon owners build businesses that are as good as they are behind the chair. @erinrayhair